When I was given my first opportunity to lead, I would take time each day to walk around and say "hello" to people, ask them how their day was going and thank them for their work. I had observed other leaders doing this and made a mental note that would be a great way to stay engaged and connected to others at work. I assumed my actions would demonstrate my genuine interest to help people feel seen, heard and valued for their work. What I quickly realized, is that I wasn't really engaging with people on a level that was fostering a deeper connection.
Leaders often make efforts to demonstrate they care for others by incorporating the organization's mission, vision and values. Creating culturally and psychologically safe spaces also ranks high with with how leaders try to find others to feel connected through shared values.
Over the years, I have learned that the quality of interactions I have with others is completely dependent on my commitment to fully engage and show up as the best version of myself. I have heard the comment that the best gift you can give to others is your time. I also believe that showing others a genuine interest in what they have to say goes a long way in making and maintaining connections and interactions with others.
The biggest difference between how I engaged and how I engage now, is that I ask more questions. Instead of asking "How was your day". I now ask "Don't you have a pottery class today? How is it going?" The second question shows that you have taken the time to learn something personal about the person you are engaging with, you have remembered and are showing a genuine interest in finding out more.
I found this shift in how I ask questions difficult. I was genuinely interested, I just found it difficult to remember all the small details about employees. I would keep recipe cards on each employee I had an interaction with and I would review them often. Over time, I needed the cards less often and was able to retain new information I was learning with ease. I was developing a new muscle that I hadn't flexed. Give yourself time and grace when starting this practice of connection- it is hard work, it will take time...... and practice.
It may feel awkward and not natural to ask questions that you have not asked people before, making more intimate and deeper connections with people. Seth Godin defines authenticity as "consistent emotional labor". He goes on to say "We call a brand or person authentic when they're consistent, when they act the same way whether or not someone is looking. Someone is authentic when their actions are in alignment with what they promise".
xo Michele
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