Recently, comedian Bill Maher made a comment on his show that caught my attention. He said, “I’m sick and tired of hearing we should meet people where they are at” and “hold space for people.”
I won’t lie, at first, I felt a little defensive. After all, these are two of the most common phrases used in leadership circles, team development, and communication. They’ve become the go-to principles in conversations about creating psychologically safe, inclusive environments. But then, I took a step back and thought—maybe Bill Maher has a point.
I get it. In today’s fast-paced world, filled with demands and deadlines, it’s easy to roll our eyes at phrases that feel overused. When something is repeated too often, it can lose its meaning, right? But just because something is said frequently doesn’t mean it’s not valuable. Sometimes, it’s exactly the things we hear the most that we need to hear the loudest.
The question then becomes: What is it about these ideas that might be falling flat? And should we reconsider how we approach them in a more authentic way?
Meeting People Where They Are
Let’s start with the phrase “meeting people where they are.” I’ve heard this used countless times—by leaders, coaches, mentors, and even in personal relationships. Heck, I've used it more times than I can count. It’s often cited as the key to creating a safe, supportive space for growth. But what does it really mean?
To put it simply, meeting people where they are is about recognizing that everyone starts from a different place in their journey. It’s acknowledging that life, work, and growth aren’t linear. We all have different starting points, whether that’s due to personal experiences, challenges, or the unique context of where we find ourselves at any given moment.
For example, imagine a manager who steps into a team filled with people who have varied levels of experience. If that manager expects everyone to immediately perform at the same level, without understanding the individual strengths, struggles, and backgrounds of each team member, they are likely setting the team up for frustration and failure.
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned in leadership is that we can’t expect people to be at the same level all the time. It’s not about lowering standards—it’s about taking the time to understand where someone is in their growth process and meeting them with the appropriate resources, guidance, and compassion.
I’ll never forget a moment early in my leadership career when I was mentoring a colleague who was struggling to balance her work and home life. I could have easily told her to “just prioritize better” or “figure it out.” But instead, I took a step back and listened to her. I learned about the personal challenges she was navigating, and that understanding shifted how I approached the conversation. Instead of offering a quick fix, I helped her find manageable solutions that considered her full context.
Meeting people where they are requires us to recognize that people don’t exist in a vacuum. They are complex, multi-dimensional, and constantly evolving. When we make room for this understanding, we not only help them move forward—but we also build trust.
The Power of Holding Space
Now, let’s talk about “holding space.” If “meeting people where they are” has become a staple of leadership discussions, “holding space” is arguably the second-most-overused phrase in the leadership lexicon. And, once again, I understand the frustration.
But here’s the thing—holding space isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about being present. It’s about creating an environment where people feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment, where they can unpack their thoughts and emotions, and ultimately work through challenges.
For me, holding space means stepping aside from the rush of solving the problem and allowing someone to process what they are going through. It means being a calm, steady presence when people are unsure, vulnerable, or questioning their next step. And it’s not easy.
I remember a time when a colleague came to me in tears, feeling overwhelmed by a major project that wasn’t going as planned. My first instinct was to jump in and offer solutions, to tell her exactly what to do next. But then I realized that this wasn’t what she needed. She needed to be heard, to express her feelings without interruption, and to process her emotions before jumping into the problem-solving phase.
I sat with her, asked questions, and simply listened. I didn’t try to fix anything right away. I held space for her to feel everything she was experiencing. And in doing so, I helped create an environment where she felt supported and empowered to tackle the challenge on her own terms.
That’s what holding space is about. It’s about giving people the space to reflect, to grow, and to work through challenges at their own pace. It doesn’t mean that the issue will resolve itself without effort. But it does mean that we, as leaders, provide the support necessary for growth to happen.
Why We’re Tired of These Ideas
So, why are people so tired of hearing about meeting people where they are and holding space? I think part of the problem is that these concepts are often discussed in theoretical, abstract terms that don’t feel actionable or authentic. When we hear these phrases so often, we start to feel like they’re empty words—like advice that’s too vague to be practical.
But when we peel back the layers and really reflect on these ideas, we start to see that they require real effort—and that’s where the exhaustion comes in. Meeting people where they are and holding space requires empathy, patience, and vulnerability. These are qualities that are often undervalued in fast-paced, results-driven environments.
There’s also the discomfort that comes with these practices. It’s often easier to tell people what to do than to sit with them in their discomfort. It’s easier to offer solutions than to create space for someone to process their emotions. But real leadership doesn’t shy away from discomfort—it embraces it.
Reflection: What Kind of Leader Do You Want to Be?
When we strip away the frustration and the exhaustion, the real question becomes: What kind of leader do we want to be?
Do we want to lead with impatience, expecting people to change quickly without considering their context or struggles? Do we want to create environments where people feel like they must have it all together all the time, or do we want to lead with empathy, understanding, and patience?
If we stop meeting people where they are, we lose the opportunity for meaningful growth and connection. If we stop holding space, we stifle creativity, innovation, and the potential of those we lead.
Ultimately, leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about creating an environment where people feel safe enough to find their own solutions. It’s about being present and supportive without taking over.
So, let’s not toss out the ideas of meeting people where they are and holding space just because they’ve become overused phrases. Instead, let’s remind ourselves of the deeper value they hold in creating authentic, empathetic, and impactful leadership. I believe these expressions convey a silent question of "How can I help?'
What do you think? Are these concepts still valuable, or have they lost their meaning? How do you integrate them into your leadership style?
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